...if you will

Brown fringed minutes
Slip through my fingers
Faster than I try
To hold on to them.
Already,
I am a minute closer to the end.
Devastatingly red
Fire of my unrealized dreams
Is, I think,
Being fossilized
Without any preserving balm
Inchingly close to rot
Of futures I so longed to see.
Ensnared in my blind faith
In You, I trod
On, leaving behind skidmarks
Of unmet prayers, wishes and expectations
Because
Yes, because,
I want them all - everything
But only if You will it too.

Failed again!

I lost you for centuries
no expectations of return
neither a faint hope
of reconciliation

I loved you eternally
no expectations of reciprocation
nor the slightest of assumptions
of a glance of love

I’ve been alone
since the day I was born.
Would I expect to be in arms
of my kindred soul when I am dead!

All I wanted was peace
nothing more or less
but all I got was disgrace
I loved with all my might, and yet failed!

Again!

How to love - do you know!

Could I have loved you
for just one moment more.

Could I have given you
just one more kiss to prove my love

Could I have been there
for you when you needed me - a minute and more

Could I. Could I. Could I.
Could I have done that?
I could. And I would when I know
the sweet moon would not waste
even one more ray of his moonshine
on someone, anyone, who didn’t know how to love!

Sea of waste

I couldn’t even reach out
And touch my own face
The long talons of hate
Halted me before I could.

She said drive the cattle away
So there’s be more space for kids to play
But even after
The kids stayed glued to the screens.

I felt I would be happier without any...everything
But it just couldn’t be sold
For the price I asked
And here I am with a sea of waste.

what you shan't

it's cast in stone
you shall not yearn: -
or lust after what's not your's to begin with
or binge on alcohol even to drown your sorrows
or give yourself over to sensuality
or delay what you can do now
or blocked your own path upnorth with thorns
of stir up wars with your words

Following my angel

my guardian angel called

your guard is down today he said

watch your steps

cross your “t”s properly

and dot your “i”s carefully 

don’t drink if you don’t want to

and don’t eat what you’re not supposed to

and then he flapped his majestic wings

and flew away to heaven.

i shrugged, rolled my eyes,

fell off the cliff, died, and followed him. 

Perils of Parenthood

cranky teenager boy
bemoaned with practiced nonchalance
that parenthood was
overrated
over appreciated
unnecessarily dignified
overtly emphasized
always victimified
but
severely underqualified
hardly taught
almost never corrected
admonished
or punished.

children, he said,
are merely punishment
for lapses in judgments
and for
disgusting, short
crimes of passion.

I agree.

journey of a rogue drop of water

a rebellious, rogue drop of water
went on an errand not asked by anyone
slid laboriously from the left eye
trespassing uncharted territories
past the wrinkles of sorrow, and
past the burdens of unrewarded efforts, and yet
past the inhibited passions and unrequited love affairs
it even trickled further down
the non-existent joys from unborn children
then it halted ever so briefly
over the anticipation of affection
and then again
at the expectations of unbridled happiness
before it landed at the feet of incumbent
of this living vessel
and disappeared in the earth of eternal life.

utterly empty emptiness

emptiness washed up ashore last night
like no message in a bottle
rocked by waves of choppy waters
she swayed endlessly
her fangs desperate to tether somewhere
anywhere, in fact
the seething anger of battling alone
slowly gave way to
trickling desolation of reality
...He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me
He loves me not...
she passed time plucking imaginary petals
as the storm raged ravenously
devouring every speckle of sanity there was
until emptiness was left utterly empty
and then she rested in her cage on wet sand.

un/requited love

i hurt you because i love you -
said the one who couldn’t love me
i felt that hurt echoing in my heart

my ears rang with the sound
of disproportionate pain
till i convinced myself that i was fertile in my imagination (only)

my eyes wrung the waste water from their mop
and it slowly fermented into tasteless, odorless and yet intoxicating vodka
suddenly in front of me in a see through glass condensed with ice

only when that burning liquid cascaded down my throat
i realized my love was unrequited, had always been that way
ah the fool i am to believe in mortal love.

the most beautiful love
is the unconditional, reciprocated love of God
as long as you realize it will be redeemed only when you need it most!

unwanted flirtations

green leaves sweat
under the amorous Sun's unwanted flirtations
the warmth of affection - overdosed - feeling like a burn!

the gentle breeze - or lack of it -
brings no respite from this heated, tacit argument
and he, she, they, us, we, all melt in gratitude of a welcome demise!

admonishing mother, this Earth, clenches her fists
and throws a monster wave,  and shrapnel of edgy hail
and yet, you and I sit, entertained by the futile promise
of a tomorrow that may never be today!

happiness precluded

at arms length
lay my happiness
and yet the vast veneer 
of my inflamed ego
precluded me from its attainment

straw

a straw
from the bale of hay
drifted
off the bullock cart
enroute my home
how shall i
you tell me how
thatch the roof

astronomical nightmares

darkness all around
cold, damp, soggy surfaces
reach out from every corner
to caress my skin
and flick little bits
of astronomical
loneliness
to daunt,
to taunt,
and to freak me
with their expectation
of perfection.

perfection?
from a symbol of imperfection?
how plausible a thought it could be.

but they try
nevertheless
to control the untamed mind
and steer it - the poor it -
to a land
where sunlight is frozen
and the whirling winds
are laced with razors
and the rain lashes
torrents of burning lava.

i lie unattended
- not interested in being attended -
in a corner
unafflicted by the onslaught,
blinking deep into the black,
my big toe curls in pain
of insufferable frostbite
and i bite my blue lips,
grind my clattering teeth
to stop this nightmare.
waiting for it to end
even if it takes an eternity.

status quo

scent of summer
lies just under the brow
sliding down
in a bead of perspiration
if i am awake, i must die
if i am dead, already,
let my skin rot
until it smells like
the fragrant night-flowers
enrapturing the streets of New Delhi
after dusk, day after day.
a tiny sliver
of a wisp of smoke
lingers at the corner of my mouth,
anticipating a moist lick
of the tongue
but the aftertaste of French brandy, say Cognac if you will,
just doesn't let go.
and, thus, I stay...
...status quo

almost human

rasping breath; far away from being human,
laps at my ears, licking flesh away
leaving a burning tingle hard to ignore
the incessantly dripping blood
makes my head spin
and i run across the forest fire bare feet
tender soles cooling under a drizzle
the head on my neck stabilizes
finally
and then the urge arises again
to devour human flesh, so tender and so hard
some bits moist, some bits dry
warm, acrid, metal taste of blood
lingers on my supple, long and thick tongue
as i retreat my fangs and, join the herds again.

soup

the soup is thick, and frothy
it's been simmering for a while now
and the fumes are rising
what have you in it? almost everything plausible
- a pinch of love
- a bunch of laughter
- a dash of memories
- a sprig of hatred
- a couple of bounced checks
- a sprinkling of unopened love letters
- a mix of venom, jealousy, ego and office politics
- and a whole lot of tears
i wipe the tears away as i turn the ladle once more
the soup thickens some more as i grab
whatever i can and throw in
oh, god, tell me it's done now, will you?
how long more do I have to boil
this torturous soup, especially
when i am neck deep in it myself!

a breath of life

just breathe slowly
and you will get by
the torturous moment
will pass like fading
tides in shallow seas
...all you got to do
is to listen to songs
of the birds returning
home after a hard day.

are you home?

just touch my cheeks with the back of your hands
and i will know
you are home
i have been waiting for all of three centuries
for your arrival
and now,
my eyes are finally heavy with sleep
the eyelids are falling earthwards
to clasp the grip
of reality
but don't let that fret you
just cup my face in your hands
and i will know
you are there by my side
nestle my heavy head in your bosom
and sing a song of sweetness
till my heart blooms
till i spread my wings and ruffle my feathers
from the window of my world
i will fly away,
you by my side

hell

where is hell
in my heart and yours
- beating every minute in road rage
- throbing at the temples
with ringing phones
vibrating
on silent mode
lying unanswered
and a bride unconsumated

where is heaven then
also in my heart and yours
- beating every minute the radio plays
an old time favorite
- running like blood in veins
every second the kid
kisses you unexpectedly
to share his love