Tuesday, July 04, 2006

by the riverbank

riverbank

i almost died last night...
dreaming of my little angel...
tripping in a river...
one moment he was there, cheeky smile on his face...
eyes squinted in anticipation of his next mischief...
rosebud of a mouth pursed tight as if to hold on to secrets...
and another moment, i saw him slip on the green algae covered, slimy steps on the riverbank...
it was a slow motion dream, which made the whole fall - all of a few seconds - last an eternity...
as he slipped off the step into the surprisingly clear waters, my heart slipped too...
there was a heart-wrenching pain in my chest...
as i - non-swimmer that i am - stood there, helplessly...
unable to move, unable to reach out to that little bundle of flesh...
tears welled up in my eyes, as i continued seeing my little fellow bouncing down the waves and sinking slowly...
my fists clenched and teeth chattered in shame, in guilt...
that i didn’t even go in the waters to try...
oh the shame!
the shame, i could feel was real, choking my chest and lungs...
i couldn’t breathe...
my eyes lost their luster and i just waited to down myself...
i closed my eyes and opened again, hoping he would be by my side again...
irritating me, making me angry, rebelling against what i ask him...
whatever...
but he was still down under...
under the crystal clear water...
something inside, shook me up, and i stepped in the water...
only to realise that it was not so deep after all...
i strode with determined steps to where my little beloved lay...
eyes closed, mouth partially open, just starting to swallow water...
i rushed; i swept him in my arms and lifted him over my head - all in a single movement...
there, above me, water dripped over me from his head and limbs...
as if releasing me of my embarrassment...
i felt a movement, a stir in his tiny three-year-old lungs...
he coughed and shook himself all over involuntarily...
a shiver of relief passed all over me involuntarily...
i scooped him in my trembling arms and strode back to the bank...
as i laid him down on the hard earth, he spluttered some more river water...
and opened his eyes and looked at me...
oh...not a zillion pounds can compare with that look of love...
oh...that moment since then i have relived thousand times...
a sigh escaped my breath...
oh, my lovely little one...
live...
beyond my years...
beyond my fears...
beyond my tears...
beyond my anger...
and let me cherish your selfless love...for the rest of my life.

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