Thursday, July 28, 2005

all because of a maddening moon

nightmare
last night you saved me
from dying
in my horrid dream

and aghast as you may be
i want it to recur
to scare me again

i want to say: o nightmare from last night
come back
to frighten me some more

- the vivid horror
of being chased by creatures
not scary, but fearsome anyway!

- the gush of adrenalin
nonexistent to fuel
my everyday mundane mornings!

- the near fatal
breathless race
to save a morbid, lusterless reality?

how exciting it would be to relive an agony
of perishing in a wild chase
without chasing dreams of yours and mine…

oh, so devastating!
and yet so alive, so comforting
like living a real, adventure

i feared for the aftermath
that would befall you
and my little beloved ones

a numb execution
unlike a gruesome self-inflicted
annihilation that at least leaves sympathy behind

why i long to experience
such terminal mortality
when i can do so much for you alive?
moon
perhaps it’s just the astro position
of the maddening moon and vehement venus
and will last only till overbearing saturn and fiery mars align

Thursday, July 21, 2005

something shizu wrote for me
[on the new years' eve 2001]

something shizu wrote for me
it's strange when i heard the name
many months ago that heavy monsoon evening
it sounded dear to me, as if i found a long lost lover
isn't it ludicrous if i tell you the truth
the name always breaks my heart, however i try to embrace it

tell me, how can I kill a man in my dream?
anyone out there, wouldn’t you buy the moon?
i shall sell it to you
so that i would never dream again

it's dark that moonless night the name came true
as if it was waiting to incarnate
it poured mellifluously unaware of my pain
the pain of a forgotten love
beyond time it never dwindled
its tenacity for existence, however i try to forget it

it's agitating when i hear your name pronounced
remind me of the heap of sadness
the moonlight on sand dune in the great desert
a tall lonely camel, trailing its shadow
flash of your love, so sweet and momentary
however i try to embrace it, only the name remains
the name of the past affair de coeur
the name of a lover who lives in my dream

Monday, July 18, 2005

redeeming factor

redeeming factor
ruptured the scalding, scathing heartburn
thinking of someone loving you

evil eyebrows of my imagination
burn fingers raising suspicions that are not closetted skeletons

famed prints of paperback fantasies
dilute innocent expectations of your love

my mortal, impotent, carnal desires
trace tangible dark circles under my own eyes

all your requests, headaches ignored
i undress you with the lust in my groin

penance is a scourge that i should willingly endure
for, your innocence, unawareness of my sins is my redemption

Monday, July 11, 2005

for an evening along the river
[to be enjoyed soon]

for an evening along the river
along the shallow river
pebbles will play hide and seek
with the lengthening shadows of dusk

the loud sound of the river
shall belie its small stature
and the magnificent mahseer that swims underneath

dark shadows on the surface of earth
will contrast highly with the dying embers
of the sun, that will soon set behind the silent sal trees

a lone pied kingfisher
will dive one last time for supper
before it retires for the night

a low rumble by a roar
will sound alarm calls
of barking deer

and i shall bend over to kiss your warm mouth
aglow with remnants of an afternoon nap
to take you in my arms, to love

PS: Times change. And with time, change our aspirations and perceptions. I wrote this verse earlier in May. But that moment, when I was writing this, I was reliving a past that was no longer mine and I desperately wanted to cling to it for it was a memory both Shizu and I wanted embedded in our hearts [and heads] forever. We are lucky enough to bring those cherished memories back into our lives. Soon we will be able to relive those moments and hopefully forever.

I say hopefully, because nothing is permanent. But nature has never been a "tangible commodity" even though we humans have made it an essential part of our material surroundings. If you want to read [or haven't read] the original version, it's at “an evening along the river”. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. But then, as I started off by saying...aspirations and perceptions...eh...never mind, go on and relish it...

Sunday, July 03, 2005

against hope

against hope
hope , I always told friends
is but a four leter word

like food, dope, love, home,
bend, life, hell, moon, bird

tired of toil, night after night
i dream, still do, of being a conjurer

to conjure, to materialise
materials, metals, money that matter

matter that matters
whether you like or you don’t

to live, to eat, to build, to bend
to buy, to travel, to fly, to die…

to love, perhaps, you are free
till a child is born or two

burn your fingers and die
for never can you hope to surivive

jackson’s “neverland”, he had to flee
for it never, never, belonged to him

but our neverlands are here to stay
whether you laugh, cry, sleep or run away

hope does, in any case, as hope could
till a four lettered “fuck” wipes it away…