Thursday, September 29, 2005

yarn of our dreams

wake up little girl
it's time to go home
rub the sleep out of your eyes
let your nightmares collect cobwebs
let your fringe lie mangled for a while
we have to go...

you are beautiful
don't you know...
i have been waiting
for ever so long...
to build a castle for my princess
on a high lush mountain
besides a stream
where sun rises early
and days are are sweetly long
yarn of our dreams
a garden of violets,
jasmine and roses
pine panelled floors
granite arched windows
colonial columns
bouganvilla shaded verandah
deep ruby of a wine
platter of smoked salmon
rocking chairs with cross-stitched cushions
and you across me

hurry,
but don't rush
for your feet are still nimble
and your smile fragile
but the dust that settles
on your curling lashes
will not bring any tears i promise
just bring me a bag of your love
a dash of your happiness
a handful of dreams
and we shall weave
the yarn of our dreams together

come, let's go!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

just us in this world

SomedayPinkBorder
someday when i am free
i would like to look at you
with your face in my hands
your hair touching my arms
i believe i have not loved you
as much as i really want to
endless hours of getting the dough -
so many nights of tired sleep -
whines, cries, tantrums and playground -
nothing
i say nothing
will ever drift us apart

i know we held hands once
i remember the sweet, moist kisses
and i miss dearly
your sleeping, heavy head on my chest
and i long for your beautiful hair
getting in my sparkling eyes

oh hold on,
i say hold on
don't yet spread that silky yawn
for i want to smell the ocean on your breath
the dew drops on your neck
and the mountain breeze from your parted mouth

somebody stop me
oh no, my fingers are slipping again
somebody stop me
oh no, my eyes are raining
somebody stop me
oh no, oh no, am i dreaming
somebody stop me
i don’t want to die in your arms

i only want to live and live
live and lie down with you
i only want to make you mine
i only want you to be mine
i only want to be yours
i only want just us in this world
SomedayBlueBorder

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

a song for you

a song for you
like a star in the dark blue sky
like a shining fish in the water
like a bird flying high above
i am free to live my life with you
and with your love.

the lines on my face are darker now
the beats of my heart are steadier
my stride is getting stronger each day
my smile is getting warmer with you
and with your love.

when you smile, my heart skips a beat
when you laugh, knees go weak
and then you touch my hand with yours
my love for you is getting stronger with passion
and your love for mine.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

the flight

the flight

come, let's fly to the moon together
wing to wing, dream to dream.

let's drift
to touch her scarred cheeks
glowing silver
with an inflated love unrequited for unaccountable time.

let's swim back through space
to embrace the infinite universe
and submerge in puffs of clouds.

i believe i can fly,
if you just as much as caress my nape
and utter my name in a sigh.

wake me up
when i want to dive deep down in the dark waters
all of my life swiftly expunged
because as you know too well
i may fly, but swim i cannot.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

a bonfire of logs of limbs

buttercups!
don't wake up yet
let your sleep laden smoky eyes
wander in hazy blue hues of dreams

let me caress you with my eyes
for a few more precious moments
as my fingers slide
on your soft, smooth, high cheek bones
let me follow the contours
of your chest, heaving
with shallow, unlaboured half-asleep breaths

irritated with a stray strand of auburn hair
on your quivering upturned nose
you crease your forehead with a flickering frown
and brush it away
a bonfire of logs of limbs
an afternoon overflowing with lazy interludes of foreplay
an evening brimming with unbridled romance
a nightful of rich, sculpted love...
till now, these were a mere recipe
from a intellect-curdling paperback
but the beginning of this day,
still warm with dying embers
- from the bonfire of our logs of limbs -
makes me chant
"love is mine" in the same tone
barbara cartland must have crafted
the love-laced tome of the same name in 1952

i trace an outline of my commitment
round the gold band
wrapped round your sensuously slender finger
and amuse myself with
your upturned curve of a parted mouth
parched for a kiss perhaps
i oblige
my quench not yours
with a feather light brush of dry lips
startled, your doe eyes
open wide - and seeing a familiar intruder
drift back to the land of nirvana
satisfying me
with a rushed return
that also insists
goodbye for now

i go
but i shall be back
soon

Thursday, July 28, 2005

all because of a maddening moon

nightmare
last night you saved me
from dying
in my horrid dream

and aghast as you may be
i want it to recur
to scare me again

i want to say: o nightmare from last night
come back
to frighten me some more

- the vivid horror
of being chased by creatures
not scary, but fearsome anyway!

- the gush of adrenalin
nonexistent to fuel
my everyday mundane mornings!

- the near fatal
breathless race
to save a morbid, lusterless reality?

how exciting it would be to relive an agony
of perishing in a wild chase
without chasing dreams of yours and mine…

oh, so devastating!
and yet so alive, so comforting
like living a real, adventure

i feared for the aftermath
that would befall you
and my little beloved ones

a numb execution
unlike a gruesome self-inflicted
annihilation that at least leaves sympathy behind

why i long to experience
such terminal mortality
when i can do so much for you alive?
moon
perhaps it’s just the astro position
of the maddening moon and vehement venus
and will last only till overbearing saturn and fiery mars align

Thursday, July 21, 2005

something shizu wrote for me
[on the new years' eve 2001]

something shizu wrote for me
it's strange when i heard the name
many months ago that heavy monsoon evening
it sounded dear to me, as if i found a long lost lover
isn't it ludicrous if i tell you the truth
the name always breaks my heart, however i try to embrace it

tell me, how can I kill a man in my dream?
anyone out there, wouldn’t you buy the moon?
i shall sell it to you
so that i would never dream again

it's dark that moonless night the name came true
as if it was waiting to incarnate
it poured mellifluously unaware of my pain
the pain of a forgotten love
beyond time it never dwindled
its tenacity for existence, however i try to forget it

it's agitating when i hear your name pronounced
remind me of the heap of sadness
the moonlight on sand dune in the great desert
a tall lonely camel, trailing its shadow
flash of your love, so sweet and momentary
however i try to embrace it, only the name remains
the name of the past affair de coeur
the name of a lover who lives in my dream

Monday, July 18, 2005

redeeming factor

redeeming factor
ruptured the scalding, scathing heartburn
thinking of someone loving you

evil eyebrows of my imagination
burn fingers raising suspicions that are not closetted skeletons

famed prints of paperback fantasies
dilute innocent expectations of your love

my mortal, impotent, carnal desires
trace tangible dark circles under my own eyes

all your requests, headaches ignored
i undress you with the lust in my groin

penance is a scourge that i should willingly endure
for, your innocence, unawareness of my sins is my redemption

Monday, July 11, 2005

for an evening along the river
[to be enjoyed soon]

for an evening along the river
along the shallow river
pebbles will play hide and seek
with the lengthening shadows of dusk

the loud sound of the river
shall belie its small stature
and the magnificent mahseer that swims underneath

dark shadows on the surface of earth
will contrast highly with the dying embers
of the sun, that will soon set behind the silent sal trees

a lone pied kingfisher
will dive one last time for supper
before it retires for the night

a low rumble by a roar
will sound alarm calls
of barking deer

and i shall bend over to kiss your warm mouth
aglow with remnants of an afternoon nap
to take you in my arms, to love

PS: Times change. And with time, change our aspirations and perceptions. I wrote this verse earlier in May. But that moment, when I was writing this, I was reliving a past that was no longer mine and I desperately wanted to cling to it for it was a memory both Shizu and I wanted embedded in our hearts [and heads] forever. We are lucky enough to bring those cherished memories back into our lives. Soon we will be able to relive those moments and hopefully forever.

I say hopefully, because nothing is permanent. But nature has never been a "tangible commodity" even though we humans have made it an essential part of our material surroundings. If you want to read [or haven't read] the original version, it's at “an evening along the river”. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. But then, as I started off by saying...aspirations and perceptions...eh...never mind, go on and relish it...

Sunday, July 03, 2005

against hope

against hope
hope , I always told friends
is but a four leter word

like food, dope, love, home,
bend, life, hell, moon, bird

tired of toil, night after night
i dream, still do, of being a conjurer

to conjure, to materialise
materials, metals, money that matter

matter that matters
whether you like or you don’t

to live, to eat, to build, to bend
to buy, to travel, to fly, to die…

to love, perhaps, you are free
till a child is born or two

burn your fingers and die
for never can you hope to surivive

jackson’s “neverland”, he had to flee
for it never, never, belonged to him

but our neverlands are here to stay
whether you laugh, cry, sleep or run away

hope does, in any case, as hope could
till a four lettered “fuck” wipes it away…

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

expect

expect

are you expecting
someone, sometime
from somewhere far away?

your brow is creased
you eyes shadowed
and your lips as dry as clay

you are with me
tilted head resting on a palm
but i can tell your heart is away

absent-mindedly you
twirl your straight hair
and gently pull a strand of grey

is your smile worrisome
or am i reading too much
from words that you do not say

don’t litter the pillow with unwanted tears
beneath the shiny, feathered night
tommorrow will be a brand new day

my lovely, expect
as much as you want
but to your irrational fears, don’t give way!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

ablution

ablution
ablution of sin
is but an attempt to remove an unwanted visible mole
be warned, for the scar shall remain

once a sinner
always a sinner
for what is committed, remains infinitely
in the mind
in the dust
in the wind, sunshine, water and hay
it traverses eternity in words
uttered
many centuries ago

one who tries to purge
can try
and indeed even succeed
but the madness of moon
stirs the black demons
every fortnight
when its dazzling brightness
dulls the scars of its [many] removed moles

Friday, May 13, 2005

naturintercourse

naturintercourse

the contours of the moss embellished hillock
remind me of surmounted mammories
and the curves of the river
are reminscent of abdomen and waist
magnificently erect sal trees
sway like desire stirring in a groin
tender leaves glistening with dew
tremble like delicate toes in the aftermath
the baked summer evening earth burns
like fire of a arousing passion
star-studded bride of a night cools mortal souls
as do dying post-coital flames

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

anihilation

anihilation

i hear the clock ticking
tick, tick, tick
and so on it goes
tirelessly but tiring me in the process

o time machine
keeping track is fine
but why do you move so inconsistently
too fast at times and way too slow at others?

every minute, every second, every nanosecond
takes away something
lashes at things undone, not done
wrapping laughters and unwrapping tears

even when i, purposely, forget
to wind you – charge you
sooner or later, you traverse
where you would have been – right besides me

i, try hard, to leave you unattended
behind, in a dark unnoticed back alley
where no one but me will miss you
but you spring back with a sprint unfathomed

and when you do
all my pessimism blunders me into beliveing
your true motive of being
for my anihilation – stop now, that’s enough!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

an evening along the river

a walk along the river

along the shallow river
pebbles played hide and seek
with the lengthening shadows of dusk

the loud sound of the river
bellied its small stature
and the magnificent mahseer that swam underneath

dark shadows on the surface of earth
contrasted highly with the dying embers
of the sun, setting behind the silent sal trees

a lone pied kingfisher
dived one last time for supper
before retiring for the night

a low rumble followed by a roar
sounded the alarm calls
of barking deer

and i bent over to kiss your warm mouth
aglow with remnants of an afternoon nap
to take you in my arms, to love

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

the flash of a starlit night in corbett

blueyellow

once there was a road that led to the forest
where you and i often walked hand in hand
under the starlit night
and the canopies of teak trees
fringed with fireflies

shadows cast by vegetation
swayed like larger than life carnivores
stripes of moonlight
resembled tigers prowling for vegetating prey
and we held each others hands even tighter than before

those were the days
and those days will be back again soon

i long, as i am sure, do you
to kill time, to forage for things to do -
we still forage - but it would be different doing it there
it would not be boring to get bored in the wild
and i would love to hear you complain about the weather

too hot in summer, in winters too cold
too wet in the monsoon, the autumn barrenness too bold
too much light in days, too little to see in the dark
too much dirt, too much daze
just excessive love and too many friends

we will love excessively
we will fight some more
but we will walk under the stars of fireflies
holding hand till knuckles turn white
and we shiver with fright of tigers and cold

come let's get ready
let's pack and be on the way...
...soon

Friday, April 22, 2005

i see yellow, do you?

do you see yellow?
or do you notice purple?
is it black that you like?
or does the grey attract you?

yellowpurplegreyblack

i don't know what it takes
to be in a state of mind
that doesn't want to, any longer,
differentiate between the lines, or the colours

i don't know but i mind
that i am not in the caress of the infinite
nor in the sweet embrace of the nothingness
that not many seem to desire any more

cut the chase, o lord of cipher
cut the chase
rotting in hell am i not blessed by you
cut the chase, extend the embrace

towards happiness

towards happiness

capitulated,
i have absolutely
into the realm
of nothingness

trying
not expecting
not anticipating, and
not desiring
never seemed as difficult
since i started trying to
not expect
not anticipate, and
not desire

perhaps
someone
higher up
controlling
destinies
doesn’t want me to stop
expecting
anticipating, and
desiring

if only i could
it would
be so easy
to live
in peace
and happiness

Sunday, April 17, 2005

memory

burnt fingers of yours
try so hard not to singe again

though i am no burning flame
hot wax can be painful
especially if not careful, your touch

dreams are made of nightmares
you have seen so many times
that you don’t get scared anymore
of the horror you think you can control

life ambles by way too soon, and you realise
the glass is not filled with wine
the wicker rocking chair has lost its rock
the book your read is read before
and, the hand you hold is a memory that still clings

Friday, April 15, 2005

procreation

we loved with love
we loved with passion
now i see you in him
and you, me.

he is you in the beads of sweat on his nose
he is me in his unarticulated gait
he is you in the melting butter subtle fragrance
he is me in his "umms" and "ah na"s

no longer we hanker for the last piece of your mango puddings
no longer we yearn for "mind your language"
have we no time and energy to indulge?
ask the cookie monster below and perhaps you will know!

March05-Yudhi_wears_papas_shoes1
Will you fit in my shoes soon?


affectionately afflicted

laughter seems inadequate
to convey the happiness
i feel being with you

words are not of essence
for the feelings evoked
in my heart for your love

gratitude towards your mother
for bringing you to world
can never be enough to justify

but is silence enough communication
to bind us infinitely?
i think it is – more or less

withering years will extract
every ounce of affection and affliction
i have in reserve for you…

Thursday, April 14, 2005

pillow talk

tufts of feather fall
and make my shoulders heave with pain
eyes nibbling at the potential desire
lying next to me
bring my mildewed blood
to a boil, nearly!

rasp anguish
uncoils
and nostrils flare in mock anger
but the satiny strain
on your forehead gives it all away

i can see through
not so tightly shut eyes
that you are awake
lumbered with similar thoughts of
a crisp embrace
that will make us drift afar, together

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

is that really you...or just another dream

i was not awake, was i,
was there only the whir of air-conditioner
breaking the sound of your soft breathing,
the rustle of bed sheets,
the sound of a sleepy hand subconsciously wiping
slowly dripping saliva off your parted mouth,
slender nape trembling in a motionless manner.

did i imagine a smile on your face,
or did you forget me in your blissful rest,
no coating of man made beauty on the face,
no strokes of red on the cheek,
no arrangements of strands so straight,
no bristles of eyelashes crumbling down,
all i saw was a lush vine draped on my pillow
au naturel, just as nature desired.

spread your tendrils
all over me,
entrap me with your arms forever
so my bed remains my garden
and your bosom,
my lovely rose, and Queen of the Night!

Friday, April 08, 2005

For better or for verse...

if you blink slowly, you will know life is but a poem in motion. sometimes the words just whiz past you like a bullet and at times, every wrinkled, autumn brown dry leaf falls down so slowly that the heart aches with the touchdown. and so it goes...for better or for verse!